Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
Randomize
