i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
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