im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
Randomize
