I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
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