The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
Randomize
