so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
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Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
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Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
I got inside last night via doggy door
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
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