is swine flu sexually transmttd?
Ha no, why?
sriously ive never had a hangovr this bad
if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
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