Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
Randomize
