why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
Who put my cat in the fridge?
Help. Why am I so naked?
Randomize
