Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
is that a dick in a sweater?
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
Randomize
