Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
he had a blacklight sublime poster, of course i had to do him.
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
Randomize
