I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
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