I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
Randomize
