I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize
