You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
Randomize
