I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
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He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
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Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
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