oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
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