Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
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