question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
Hmmm. I never knew the difference. I've done either one and had stronger or weaker versions but usually if i took enough, i tripped balls. That should be a PSA for kids... if you take drugs and the drugs are weak, just take more drugs... The More You Know
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
Randomize
