I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
Randomize
