I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
I know. She seems like she getting that "need some dick" restlessness. Might explain the feisty attitude
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
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