took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
Randomize
