I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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