operation have a gay friend backfired
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
Randomize
