So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
Randomize
