Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
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