WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
Randomize
