i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
Randomize
