bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
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