Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
Randomize
