So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
Randomize
