she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Randomize
