Got a toothbrush?
and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
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