You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
Randomize
