I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
Randomize
