he kept bringing up different times we had sex and i wouldnt say anything back. i would never confirm nor deny the situation...like a politician ya kno
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
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