Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
Randomize
