Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
Randomize
