honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
Randomize
