Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
Randomize
