Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
It's not a walk of shame if you run
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
Randomize
