he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
