my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
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