Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
Ketchup is God's man juice
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
Randomize
