i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
turns out gay frats are just like normal frats, only with more v-necks
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
Hello my rib-scented angel!
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
Randomize
