HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
sarcasm needs its own font
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
This is the high leading the old right now
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
why is half of my head shaved?
Randomize
