I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
I need mimosas to revive my soul
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
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