I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
Randomize
