saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
Is it possible for Craig Seger to wear a normal suit and not look like an asshole on national tv?
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
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you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
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At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
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