god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
Randomize
