I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
Just passed a sign for an "adult food and fuel superstore". Wtf does that even mean?
im not sure but a few things come to mind which just makes me giggle
Guys should not giggle. Ever.
This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
Randomize
