Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
No I am not eating basil off your cock
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
Randomize
