If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
Randomize
