i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize
