Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
did i walk over a car last night?
they're like a gay fantastic four
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
Randomize
