My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
Randomize
