well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
whose ass print is on the piano?
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
Positive reviews on angieslist?
Randomize
