You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
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