we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
Randomize
