I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Man, jail baloney is awful.
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
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