Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
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