After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
Randomize
