Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
Randomize
