i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
Randomize
