thus making me awesome and them whores
So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
Randomize
