Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
What a fucking waste of an outfit
Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
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