I am puke
That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
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