On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
Randomize
