your room smells of hookers.
And success
Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
Randomize
