OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
Randomize
