I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
Dear god my vagina.
Randomize
