whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
I can't breathe out the right side of my face
I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
Randomize
