that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
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