i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
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