Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Randomize
